This is an expression I really didn't understand until I had teenagers. Have you ever tried to reason with a teenager? Have you ever tried to reason with a teenager struggling with addiction and mental health issues?

The best way I can explain it is feeling like you're being pulled into an alternate universe, where what you thought was obvious and true suddenly isn't. Once it's over and you crawl back out of the hole and lie sprawled at the entrance, you're completely exhausted, mentally and physically.

I know this experience well. For a while, it was a daily occurrence. My most embarrassing example: my child tried to convince me that an ice-cold beer was just sitting inside the ottoman coffee table when they went to watch TV. I engaged, listening to their argument, trying to reason with them. They got me to think maybe there was a beer in there, and then I realized the absurdity of the situation and that I was being manipulated. There were plenty of other times I didn't catch it in the moment and was completely taken in.

Working with a therapist and a parent coach helped me find ways to stay out of that hole. The simplest strategy was not engaging. Sometimes that looked like, "I hear what you're saying, and I'm not willing to listen right now." If it was over text, which it often was, that meant not responding, or just a simple "ok." Another strategy: "I need time to think about that," or "I can't give you an answer right now." These created a pause, enough space to slow down so I wouldn't slide into the hole. It takes practice.

Just a few weeks ago, I was talking with my child. We talk often, and the conversations are usually pleasant. Then, just like that, they were talking about a situation where they didn't feel they were being treated fairly. And you know what? I slid right into the rabbit hole. I lost contact with my own body. It was as if I'd left the room I was sitting in and was right there with my child, in the middle of their situation. I honestly don't remember being present for that conversation. Next thing I knew, I was on the phone, interfering with something that was my child's issue to solve, not mine.

It wasn't until afterward, when I stepped back and took in the bigger picture, that I understood what had happened. I had gone straight to fear, specifically the fear that they would get kicked out. That fear had taken over, and I'd lost myself in my child's issue. So I called my child back and said, "This became a big upset. I overstepped, and it's not good for me or for you. I trust that you can handle this situation."

So yes, I went down the hole, but I got out, and I named my misstep. My first reaction was frustration: how could I fall right back in? Then I offered myself grace instead. I slipped, and I caught myself. That's growth.

Progress over perfection.

What pulls you into the rabbit hole?

If this resonates and you're navigating hard seasons with your teen or young adult, I'd love to talk. Schedule a complimentary discovery call.