Knowing Better and Doing Better

How were big feelings dealt with when you were a child? What were the messages you got about emotions?

I remember having a flood of intense emotions as a child. I didn't know what to do with them. I would start yelling and stomping my feet. I felt like I would explode. I can still physically remember that feeling in my body. The message I got? Don't be so ridiculous. You're so sensitive, relax. So I learned to squash them, push them down. I learned they weren't okay.

• "Don't attract attention to yourself."
• "You don't want to stand out."

Fast forward to being a parent with a super sensitive child who had big emotions of their own. I dismissed their emotions too —

• You're too much.
• That's not an appropriate response.
• You just want attention.

I missed so much. I dismissed their very real experiences. I repeated how I was raised. I didn't know there was another way.

It took years — and a lot of unlearning — before I started to understand what my child actually needed in those moments. Not a lecture. Not a fix. Just someone to stay present while the feeling moved through them.

I know the pain of having your feelings dismissed. How amazing would it have been to be validated and listened to instead.

That's what I've learned about the power of listening and reflecting back what you hear. Deeply listening doesn't mean staying silent — it means setting aside the urge to explain, defend, or solve, and simply reflecting what the other person is feeling back to them: That sounds really overwhelming. I can see how hard this is for you. I recently had someone tell me that just talking out loud, with someone truly listening, brought them clarity they hadn't been able to find on their own. That's the gift. Not answers — presence.

This post ended up somewhere I didn't expect when I sat down to write it. But it turned into the perfect illustration of my favorite quote:

We learn, we grow, and we do better. We keep going.

If this resonates and you're navigating big feelings — yours or your child's — I'd love to talk. Schedule a complimentary discovery call.